I nearly lost my life in the library

Well not really, but almost. The night before my last exam I nearly had to spend the night in the library. On my way to the library, I was on the phone in a 3-way with Lee and Sudha which was definitly amusing and distracting. I got out of my car at 9:30pm and talked to them till I got to the library. I walked through the front doors and sat down at a computer to look up a journal I needed. Then I took the elevator down to the dungeon that is the first floor. After climbing on the shelves to reach the book that I needed to get from the very top shelf-- yes I'm short, this is no surprise to anyone that I needed to do this-- I sat down at a nearby table and studied until 11:30. After numerous intercom announcements about the library closing the bottom 4 floors, I packed up my stuff and moved to the main floor, which was going to be open for 24 hours. By 1:30am I was feeling pretty good about myself and decided to head home. I couldn't find my keys. Crap. I figured I left them on the first floor which was now closed. So I calmly make my way to the main desk to see if someone could help me go get them. All of the staff had gone home and they had hired two random security gaurds not affiliated with the university to watch the place during the night. Here is the conversation I had with them:

Me: Hi, I need some help. I think I left my keys on the first floor when I was studying there earlier. Is there anyway for me to get down there and look for them?
Guards: No
Me: Umm....it's kind of important cause my car keys and my apartment keys are on that key chain.
Guard #1: Well, we don't work here. There's no way for us to get in.
Me: Is there anyone we could call? An emergency phone number?
Guard #2: Umm....no.
Me: Well do you have any suggestions?
Guard #1: Umm..... no.
Me: What about campus security? Can't they get in?
Guard #1: Let me check the papers we have..... Nope, there's no number for us to call.

So basically, if the library caught on fire and all the students started running around naked and having orgies, there was apparently no one that could be called. Now I was starting to panic.

Guard #2: Isn't there anyone you can call to pick you up? Someone on campus you can stay with?
Me: I don't live on campus and I don't know anyone that does. I don't think anyone would want me calling them during exam week at 2 in the morning to come get me and take me nowhere cause I don't have my apartment keys either.
Guard #1: Well I guess you'll have to stay here till they open again at 7 am.

What the hell?!?! How more unhelpful could someone be?!?! Anyway, so I start re-tracing my steps. I thought maybe I was so distracted by the phone call that I may have left my keys in the car and not even locked it. As I'm staring through the locked windows of my car, a campus security car rolls by and wants to know what I'm doing. I tell him that I have a small problem, explain what happened, and ask if he can help me.

Policeman: Sure. I can get you in. Jump in the backseat and we'll go back.

So I had my first experience being in the back of a police car. Boy do they not want you to have any legroom back there. It was very bizarre. And why couldn't I get in the front seat? I think he still thought I was trying to break into my own car.

We go back to the library and he takes me through the UNLOCKED doors down to the first floor. Why couldn't they have just told me they were unlocked?!? Poor man wasn't all that slim and he was huffing his way down the 5 flights of stairs. We take a look around and find no keys. Well we huff our way back up the stairs-- I'm out of breath too at this point cause I can't remember the last time I exercised. Kickboxing got replaced with paper writing about 2 months ago. Anyway, the cop decides to check the LOCKED staff office. Well, what do you know. There are my keys, with a note saying "found near computers at 9:45" What the hell!?!?!?! What is the point of locking someone's keys in an office and then going home? Why wouldn't they leave them at the front desk? Why not make an annoucement with all the other million announcements before leaving to go home?!?! People have no common sense. Granted I should have looked after my keys first, but still..... come on..... As I'm leaving,

Guard #1: Wow, you're pretty lucky that the cop drove by. We don't normally call them unless someone gets locked in a room.
Me: Yeah. I'm pretty lucky (you lazy jerk, that couldn't get off his ass and help me out when you totally could have! Who gets locked into a room anyway?! I bet you've gotten locked in a room before cause you're such an idiot. I really wish Wendy's was still open. I could really go for one of those bacon mushroom burgers. Maybe I should get one of those tomorrow. I wonder who came up with the mushroom burger anyway? Dave Thomas? I wonder if it was the last sandwich he designed? Hmm.... Maybe I should stop glaring at this guy and go home)

So anyway, that was my library disaster. Thankfully I didn't have to sleep there like a weirdo all night long.